Boys, Dating, and Crushes Part 2

So, where did I leave off in Part 1...

I think I was reflecting on the possible reasons for the fact I had never dated.

I wrote that I realized all types of girls could get a boyfriend, so unless I was way more repugnant than anyone else, there was most likely something in my attitude and beliefs that played a role in my singleness.

But, as I said in part 1, I believe that is only half the reason. I think this because there have been boys in my past that I would have dated, had they been interested.

You see, I've like boys for as long as I can remember.

When I was probably 3 years old, I remember promising to marry a family friend named James. His twin brother was going to marry my cousin, and I believe there was talk of a double wedding.

My "betrothed's" brother and I

In kindergarten, I was madly in love with a boy named Matthew, and I remember pretending to elope with him. (I don't know how I knew about "eloping," but I distinctly remember using that word.)

I wouldn't say I have ever been boy crazy. I can count on one hand the number of full blown crushes I had during the whole seven years of middle school and high school. But there has hardly been a time in my life when I haven't been crushing on someone.

Now, as I entered into college, I felt a good amount of pressure to start dating. In high school, having a boyfriend hadn't really made sense because there wasn't much of a chance that that relationship would go anywhere. However, many people I know, including my parents, met their spouses in college. I now had no reason to object to dating, so it seemed to me like the right time to "start shopping."

So, while my standards about who I would date did not lower, I began to look at every guy I met as a potential boyfriend. I began to develop a series of mini-crushes or "crushlets," as I like to call them.

It's like I had a constant checklist at the front of my mind that I would compare every guy I met to - Single? Christian? Similar Interests? etc. - and if he passed the preliminaries, I would begin to imagine that we might begin dating.

This went on for a while, until one day, I felt God convicting me. I realized that this way of thinking about guys was absolutely selfish! 

As a Christian, I believe God teaches us to love one another with a disinterested, self-sacrificing love, and all I was thinking about in regards to these guys was how they might fulfill my longing to be loved and feel beautiful. I was so selfish that every time a boy I knew started dating I would think something like, "Well, crap. There's another one out of the pool of potentials."

Slowly but surely, I have been praying that God will help me change my view of the men in my life so that I can love them well, a sister of brothers.

This has been a really great metaphor for me to cling on to because, you see, I grew up with three brothers.

I may not be the best sister in the world, but it's definitely something I know how to do.

My siblings and I in 2010

Boys, Dating, and Crushes Part 1

So, depeding on who you are, this may shock you or it may be old news but...

I have never had a boyfriend. Ever.

Never been kissed. Never held someone's hand. Not even really been on a date.

While there are probably many reasons this is true, I've narrowed it down to the two which I will explore through this series that I think are the biggest reasons why this is so.

     1.  My beliefs and standards about dating
  
             and, if I'm being honest....

     2.  No boy I've liked has reciprocated

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My first exposure to peers dating (if you can call it that) was in 5th grade. Yup, barely out of single digits, and we thought we were so grown up.

Me in 5th Grade

A couple of the coolest kids from the four 5th grade classes at my elementary school "asked each other out," which meant the "couple" would spend the two recesses we had a day walking around the playground holding hands. If your relationship was especially advanced, you might convince a some friends to be your lookout as you sneaked behind a tree to steal a kiss.

Some couples professed their eternal love to one another, saying they would never break up.

Yet, none of those relationships lasted the year. No surprise there.

I'm not proud to say it, but I was one of those lookouts more than once. Inside, I remember thinking it seemed silly, but I wasn't brave enough to say so.

In middle school, I began to compose a more concrete personal belief about dating, especially in the young, 10-15 age range. That belief: It's STUPID!

As I looked around and saw the amount of drama and heartache caused by these romantic relationships that could not really develop into anything substantial and always ended, it seemed a logical and simple solution to decide not to date.

This attitude continued on into high school. While I was maybe a bit more open to the idea of having a boyfriend, I didn't believe in dating just for fun. I thought any boyfriend I would want to have should have marriage potential.

I wasn't desperate for a boyfriend, but sometimes I would look around at everyone holding hands in the hallways and wonder if there was anything wrong with me.

I thought I was fairly average looking, but could I actually be hideous without knowing it? Was my personality repellent? Did I smell awful?

But then I'd look around and see all types of girls with a boyfriend, and I knew I bathed with relative frequency, so I knew that it had to do with something more than that.

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Well, I think I'll end this post here for now. I know I haven't really made any points yet, but it's already a good sized post. I'll pick it up again next week.

For now, here are some questions:

What did you think about dating when you were younger?

Looking back on them, do you still think that way?

What's one thing you know now that you wish you knew then?