Boys, Dating, and Crushes Part 2

So, where did I leave off in Part 1...

I think I was reflecting on the possible reasons for the fact I had never dated.

I wrote that I realized all types of girls could get a boyfriend, so unless I was way more repugnant than anyone else, there was most likely something in my attitude and beliefs that played a role in my singleness.

But, as I said in part 1, I believe that is only half the reason. I think this because there have been boys in my past that I would have dated, had they been interested.

You see, I've like boys for as long as I can remember.

When I was probably 3 years old, I remember promising to marry a family friend named James. His twin brother was going to marry my cousin, and I believe there was talk of a double wedding.

My "betrothed's" brother and I

In kindergarten, I was madly in love with a boy named Matthew, and I remember pretending to elope with him. (I don't know how I knew about "eloping," but I distinctly remember using that word.)

I wouldn't say I have ever been boy crazy. I can count on one hand the number of full blown crushes I had during the whole seven years of middle school and high school. But there has hardly been a time in my life when I haven't been crushing on someone.

Now, as I entered into college, I felt a good amount of pressure to start dating. In high school, having a boyfriend hadn't really made sense because there wasn't much of a chance that that relationship would go anywhere. However, many people I know, including my parents, met their spouses in college. I now had no reason to object to dating, so it seemed to me like the right time to "start shopping."

So, while my standards about who I would date did not lower, I began to look at every guy I met as a potential boyfriend. I began to develop a series of mini-crushes or "crushlets," as I like to call them.

It's like I had a constant checklist at the front of my mind that I would compare every guy I met to - Single? Christian? Similar Interests? etc. - and if he passed the preliminaries, I would begin to imagine that we might begin dating.

This went on for a while, until one day, I felt God convicting me. I realized that this way of thinking about guys was absolutely selfish! 

As a Christian, I believe God teaches us to love one another with a disinterested, self-sacrificing love, and all I was thinking about in regards to these guys was how they might fulfill my longing to be loved and feel beautiful. I was so selfish that every time a boy I knew started dating I would think something like, "Well, crap. There's another one out of the pool of potentials."

Slowly but surely, I have been praying that God will help me change my view of the men in my life so that I can love them well, a sister of brothers.

This has been a really great metaphor for me to cling on to because, you see, I grew up with three brothers.

I may not be the best sister in the world, but it's definitely something I know how to do.

My siblings and I in 2010