I have never had a boyfriend. Ever.
Never been kissed. Never held someone's hand. Not even really been on a date.
While there are probably many reasons this is true, I've narrowed it down to the two which I will explore through this series that I think are the biggest reasons why this is so.
1. My beliefs and standards about dating
and, if I'm being honest....
2. No boy I've liked has reciprocated
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My first exposure to peers dating (if you can call it that) was in 5th grade. Yup, barely out of single digits, and we thought we were so grown up.
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| Me in 5th Grade |
A couple of the coolest kids from the four 5th grade classes at my elementary school "asked each other out," which meant the "couple" would spend the two recesses we had a day walking around the playground holding hands. If your relationship was especially advanced, you might convince a some friends to be your lookout as you sneaked behind a tree to steal a kiss.
Some couples professed their eternal love to one another, saying they would never break up.
Yet, none of those relationships lasted the year. No surprise there.
I'm not proud to say it, but I was one of those lookouts more than once. Inside, I remember thinking it seemed silly, but I wasn't brave enough to say so.
In middle school, I began to compose a more concrete personal belief about dating, especially in the young, 10-15 age range. That belief: It's STUPID!
As I looked around and saw the amount of drama and heartache caused by these romantic relationships that could not really develop into anything substantial and always ended, it seemed a logical and simple solution to decide not to date.
This attitude continued on into high school. While I was maybe a bit more open to the idea of having a boyfriend, I didn't believe in dating just for fun. I thought any boyfriend I would want to have should have marriage potential.
I wasn't desperate for a boyfriend, but sometimes I would look around at everyone holding hands in the hallways and wonder if there was anything wrong with me.
I thought I was fairly average looking, but could I actually be hideous without knowing it? Was my personality repellent? Did I smell awful?
But then I'd look around and see all types of girls with a boyfriend, and I knew I bathed with relative frequency, so I knew that it had to do with something more than that.
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Well, I think I'll end this post here for now. I know I haven't really made any points yet, but it's already a good sized post. I'll pick it up again next week.
For now, here are some questions:
What did you think about dating when you were younger?
Looking back on them, do you still think that way?
What's one thing you know now that you wish you knew then?
